10 Life Lessons from my 20’s
I turned 33 recently, and I feel I’ve grown so much since my 20’s. From obsessing over grades and internships and jobs, fantasizing over crushes, crying over relationships that didn’t work out, figuring myself out to learning to love myself has been a long journey in and of itself. And one of the most important things that I’ve gained throughout those years was a love for God, which has helped me love myself. Here are some life lessons I’ve learned along the way.
You don’t need to be perfect. It’s not about having the perfect grades and the perfect work performance and the perfect salary and not making mistakes. You will always make mistakes. It’s about the knowledge you’ve gained on how you can improve and reediting the previous iteration. The first try doesn’t have to be perfect. You have so many years to live to iterate on, and the final product, the final piece of the puzzle, will be more than you have ever dreamt of.
You have more than one chance. Going back to what I said before, you don’t have to get everything right the first time. Take love for example. You may not have more than one chance with a guy, and you think your life is over, but there are other guys, who are leading you to the love of your life. You have more than one chance at love, and who knows, maybe in the sea of guys, there’s one you’ve met before and who you have the ultimate love story with.
Be patient with yourself. Slow down. I was always a dopamine-driven overachiever, always on the go and loving the fast pace and the accomplishment I get from achieving things. I wanted to do so much and be everything and everyone. But life has its black holes, and if you’re not careful and protective and patient with yourself, you might end up falling into them. Healing takes a long time, and you need to leave time for processing. There are seasons in your life, seasons for productivity and seasons for healing. Don’t try to force your way into another season while on another one.
You matter more than your crushes. Singleness is a season of learning more about yourself and developing yourself and your interests and growing to love yourself. Love yourself more than you love your crushes. Guys you met on dating apps, guys you’ve known since middle school, guys you’ve had one night stands with, and guys who you thought you were going to end up with but didn’t. Stop fixating on being with the perfect guy or the guy you thought was perfect and perfect for you. Stop waiting for someone to fix you and complete you. You have to love yourself and heal yourself before being loved by another or else you will carry all of your traumas and wounds and pain into the relationship.
Soulmates do exist. There is actually only one person out there who God meant you to be with. I know that a lot of people won’t agree with me on this, but as a Christian, I don’t think that love is stochastic. Because I was baptized and became a Christian, my life now belongs to God. His wisdom and plan for me dictates my life, and there is in fact a man or woman who He intends for you. And a lot of people don’t realize it, but you need to pay attention to the signs. Signs from the Holy Spirit, signs from your past, signs from your body, signs from that person, and signs from God. He has a love story written out for you and you’ve been living it without realizing it. Believe it. You have the One.
Money isn’t everything. I spent most of my 20’s obsessing over money. How to get a six-figure job, how to achieve a high net worth, how to get a promotion and higher salary. I let money control me, and I had a really unhealthy relationship with my money. I was frugal until I wasn’t. And then I realized that it was fear that was controlling me, fear of not having money and being homeless on the streets and not having anywhere to live and not being able to provide for myself. This fear controlled me for a long time since my childhood and it wasn’t until recently that I’ve learned that God will provide for me, no matter how little money I have. He will provide for me and I am safe in HIs loving embrace. I do not have to be afraid anymore of not having enough. God is more than enough for me.
Looks matter until they don’t. I didn’t wear make up until my 30’s. I thought it didn’t matter, I was too focused on work to take care of my appearance. But image gets you far in life. Until it doesn’t. The first impression matters, and people respect you for your appearance at first. But it’s the words you say, your way of living, your values in life, your acts of kindness, your beliefs, your accomplishments, and your faith that leaves an impression on people. Not your appearance.
Travel more. I unfortunately didn’t get the chance to travel abroad in my 20’s. I was planning to go to London and Japan but the pandemic hit. And life hit, and I didn’t feel like I was in the right situation in life to be traveling to other countries. But the experiences of traveling abroad, getting to know other cultures, meeting people, learning the local language will develop you as a person. It will also help broaden your perspective and free your mind for the limitations of your inner circle. The world is more than you thought it was.
Have hobbies and interests. They establish common ground with others and they also help you develop your personality and interests. When I started running, running became an identity. And once I had an identity, that helped me know myself more and people respected me for it.
Put yourself out there. Get out of your comfort zone, talk to more people, have more conversations, get a friend group, go to more social and networking events, go to church or churches, go to bars and restaurants and museums and parks and friends’ homes. What you have to gain is more than what you have to lose. I’ve grown so much from having new experiences as a person and as a child of God. My faith deepened, and I was no longer stuck in my inner bubble, but I was released. I tried new things, met new people, became new me’s. And it was because I no longer adopted the fixed mindset that I couldn’t change. People change, people grow, and people get better.
And it doesn’t stop. Not now, not ever. You will always be growing, infinitely because you will always be striving for God, who is infinite. Never stop believing in yourself and in your growth. And never stop believing in God, in all that He has to offer you. His blessings never stop. You are loved, more than you have ever known.
